A mystery meat luau ends with a Breath of Life

As Sesi led us to the dining hall area since our seating time for the Ali'i Luau dinner buffet of 5:30PM was fast approaching, we all felt mostly like drowned rats. By now we were all tired and dragging. Especially since my whole list of food for today was half a muffin and a few pieces of sour lychee belts. During the final presentation, one of the women came around and handed out similar vine woven headpieces to several of us. Trying to combine a headpiece and a poncho makes for a great fashion statement. Sesi informs us that we actually didn't get to see everything in our package today but could use our tickets to come back again tomorrow to see the rest.

According to the center's website, this is the list you get for buying the package:

Island Villages

• An immersive cultural experience in 6 island villages
• Personal tour guide
• Kukui nut lei greeting
• Front row seats at all village presentations
• Go Native activities
• Reserved Canoe Ride
• Reserved seating at the Pageant of the Long Canoes
• Hawaiian Journey movie experience
• Souvenir booklet & DVD
• Laie & Temple Visitors Center Tour
• FREE 3-DAY PASS to our island villages

Dining

• Ali'i Luau dinner buffet & show (6:00 pm - seating 5:30 pm)
• Flower lei greeting at the luau

Evening Show

• Front two rows for "Ha: Breath of Life" show
• Private "behind the scenes" backstage tour

Aside from not being sure what the Laie & Temple Visitors Center was and the fact that we didn't get front row at every presentation but close enough, the only things I see on this list that we didn't get was the Reserved Canoe Ride (which I could never figure out whether it was the group canoe ride with around 20 people or the one you can ride with just two people. Both were featured in video and pictures on their site) and the Private "behind the scenes" backstage tour of the evening show. Honestly, I wasn't keen on doing the canoe ride either way so I wasn't sad that we missed it. We did pass over a bridge while one of the 20 people canoes were riding underneath it so at least I can say I saw it in person and still didn't want to do it.

When we arrived for dinner, they weren't ready to let people in yet so they had everyone waiting nearby under a pavilion as it was still raining. I didn't want to be trying to eat with ink running down my hand and arm so Amy and I made a quick bathroom run to wash off our disappearing tattoos. It took a couple rounds of soap and a lot of elbow grease to get about 95% of it off. Felt like a surgeon trying to wash in a crowded bathroom up to my elbow.

As we were finally allowed to enter and shown to the second row of long tables set aside in front for "Super Ambassadors" we were given a folded flower craft and a flower lei. There were carafes of water and some sort of fruit punch and I think I downed about 4 cups between the time we sat down and when they told us we could go up to the buffet.

The main page for all of the ticket packages says "Your choice of Ali'i Luau Buffet & Dinner Show or Prime Rib Buffet with prime rib & crab legs" for the Super Ambassador package. Dad asked about being able to get the prime rib option as we walked in but Sesi just kept saying that it was all in there. Notice that is no longer listed under Dining when you bring up the full details of the package. The buffet was a little confusing because it was set up as multiple stations but each item had two bins so you could walk down the front or the back side of each station and reach the same dishes. Every once in a while, an employee would redirect people to keep the crowd flowing but for the most part it was a mob scene around the food stations. 

Nothing was really labeled as to ingredients or flavors so be advised if you have allergies. There was plenty of healthier options with fruit and mixed vegetable dishes. A separate area held cups of lemonade and more fruit punch that were being poured for you or you could grab a cup and serve yourself from the Pepsi fountain soda dispenser. The drinks and the small supply of a few dessert choices was like the light at the end of the tunnel once you got through the mob at the food stations.

Everything I took was at least cooked properly even if I can't be sure whether I had chicken, pork, or who knows what? I'm pretty sure at least one was a sort of fried chicken but I won't testify to that in court. I recalled the old rhyme for children who are picky eaters at the dinner table "You get what you get and you don't get upset" and dug into my plate at this point willing to eat anything. 

As we ate, the same guy that narrated the Pageant show hosted a presentation on the stage featuring many of the same students we'd seen representing their home countries in the presentations. 

We were the 2nd table on the side from the stage - a.k.a. that long rectangle that looks more like a green felt pool table.

We saw displays with torches, costumes, and hula dancing in between making a show of unearthing and presenting the cooked whole pig from its pit in the ground. The pit was well across from the dining hall so it was like watching one of those "Near" and "Far" segments on Sesame Street. 

The host invited everyone to go enjoy a slice from the now displayed pig as he returned to the stage to continue introducing acts. Young kids were paraded onto the stage to show off plates of food representing what we'd been offered in the buffet and then later they came out to hula dance as well. 

The host called out for anyone celebrating an anniversary to come up on stage to be recognized and had them all hug and dance with each other. 

Hey it's Mr. Who Let the Dogs Out?!

This couple was so cute dancing together. 

Next up was anyone celebrating a birthday. Once a huge group was assembled, he announced that they'd be dancing for everyone. He tried to show them some moves to copy and then he noticed one guy who wasn't into the dancing. The host pulled him up to the front of the group and made him do his own moves for the group to copy. 

One of the highlights of the luau show was a 17 year old young lady who'd been fire twirling since age 5 coming to the stage to do a great acrobatic show for everyone. 

With some time to kill before the actual theater show called "Ha: Breath of Life", Sesi led us to the gift shop where I saw plenty of opportunities to purchase even more leis and trinkets in case you don't get enough freebie trinkets by day's end. In the theater which was basically stadium style seating in front of a giant sand coated stage, there was handicapped seating up at the top but Sesi led us down to the second row. The seats themselves were very narrow and I was afraid to sit all the way back and get stuck. No photography or video was allowed during the show.

Sesi bid us goodbye after we were seated (refusing Dad's attempt to tip) and handed both Amy and I bags of a CD, DVD, and booklet about Hawaii and the Polynesian culture. Amy took the most inside seat with Adam next to her, then me, and Dad on the end. Dad had to sit turned in toward me and both guys spilled over onto the back of my seat so I couldn't sit back even if I dared. If I didn't already feel arthritic by this point, I certainly did having to sit on the front edge of a narrow seat with no room to extend my legs or let my arms fall to my sides. Add to that having to hold onto the rough straw handles of this shopping bag and being literally sat on for 2 hours when Adam decided to shift his weight directly onto my right leg. Unfortunately, the bulk of the show features the performers running down the steps onto the stage so no one could move over to sit on the wide steps instead. The show itself, as our North Shore tour driver explained earlier in the day, was basically the human version of the Lion King story. Young couple with new baby show up and get welcomed by the village. Boy starts to grow up and gets trained to be a warrior. Boy fights in the war and impresses Dad. They both join in during a tough battle and Dad is killed. Boy proves himself worthy to village chief and wins heart of the chief's daughter. In between each of these story elements is Polynesia meets Broadway style large group dance and chant numbers. Wonderfully presented just super long and taxing when you've already had a long day.

The show was the last thing for everyone regardless of package so it was a mass exodus trying to leave the center. We got a little turned around and finally found the right spot our shuttle driver told us to find him waiting after the show. It was funny to find papers marking out the front row as seats reserved for us as Super Ambassadors. At this point I would have clung to the roof as long as it was taking me back to my hotel room. Once everyone was back on the shuttle our driver made some small talk and told us about how he'd be doing the hotel dropoff in reverse order making ours first. He then announced that he'd be turning off the interior lights so we can all take a nap and would wake us when we were close. I ended up with a fresh bruise on my arm after falling asleep against the emergency window latch but I didn't care. We reached the hotel around 10:30PM. We bid goodnight to Adam and Amy and assured them that we had no need to be up at any time tomorrow morning. We popped into the gift shop in our tower's lobby to pick up some snacks and dragged our sorry selves up to our room where we could finally dump all of the stuff we'd accumulated and collapse into bed.